My rage and fear rocketed around the inside of my skull, knocking my mental order out of place and causing general havoc in my mental sanctuary.
HOW COULD SHE HAVE SAID THOSE THINGS!
"She MUST be a fraud! She MUST be wrong!" I told myself time and time again as I paced, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. What did I bloody care if the damn attendant below woke up?
But I couldn't accept that. That voice, that damn voice of my holy conscience, wouldn't let me just let the matter go.
It was a bloody paradox, that what it was. She had said those... THINGS that couldn't possibly have been based on her inner "mentalist." BUT SHE HAD NO WAY OF KNOWING THEM!
WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
I needed clarity. I needed order. Here I am, interjecting myself into chaos (how many of the people in this building have mental issues, for God's sake!), and that chaos has now spread to my own mind.
Unless....
This is a test. I must go with this flow. Could she be......... ooooooooooooooo? That would be clever! What a cover! Hehe. Alright. I shall continue in my duty. Still, that was unfair, the way the Authority pulled that. And with that, I thought it high time to send a few.. mementos back where I had come from. Give them a taste of the commerical hades they had sent me.
There was a gift shop, after all.
"Hello!" said Karen. "Welcome to the gift shop! How may I help you today?"
"Errrr.." Saul was slightly put back at her happiness. How could anyone here by happy?
"Well!" said Karen, filling the could-have-been-awkward pause with another cheery note, "we have several lovely items for any of your needs. Over to the left, you may see the t-shirts peeking out from behind the jackets. We have them in.."
"Thank you, but I don't really need to know the range of sizes," Saul sneered. "You see, my body typically stays one size and shape, Karen."
"But we haven't met, have we?" Karen inquired. "You already saw my name-tag, may I know your name sir?"
"Errr, right.... I'll be, ah...," Saul trailed off.
"Bye! Have a nice day!" Karen said to the retreating figure.
I had seen pointlessly pessimistic people; they could be pitied. But this, I had no idea what to make of it. Surely she was losing here, losing life and hope and cold cash into this store. Like that root shop. What an idiot venture...
How could anyone be so joyful here? Joy, in my experience, didn't typically abide on such dreary street corners.
I walked out, into my old friend the darkness, the dying dreary daytime of twilight. Down the street, to my sanctuary. We are all welcome here, even him. Even evil.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007
A Glimmer of Truth?
Even I am occasionally surprised, it seems.
I rose sometime before the sun from my sleepless slumber. My simmering soul simply seemed to require a morning dosage of thoughtful prayer. I rose and stretched my earthly limbs, and commenced to move about the neighborhood. Even I am amazed by that regular miracle of sunrise. A simple rotation of the globe yields that daily miracle - where with brilliant rays the sun emerges from the horizon.
I returned to the building - its bulk heaping over the corner - and was about to go upstairs when Raymond Barnett smashed headlong into me, no doubt late once again for his occupation of working with automobiles. I could see his nostrils stiffen as he caught a bit of my olfactory concoction. A bit of sulfur, mixed with the corrosive growth that follows water within buildings. Somehow, these people think it rude to comment on one's smell even as they insult and harass each other daily.
It's no worry to me though. I use such phenomena to my advantage. With a bit of natural chemical, my ideal watching spots are protected from unwelcome lurkers. The building is enough of a catacomb enough that they do not have to pass where I've chosen to abide, and such is better for me.
In the immediate present however, I could do little but glower at the idiot sprawled before me. He made his excuses - almost painfully weak - and ran out the door. When one is late, that shows a lack of regard for time - and time can turn against you as I know. Seconds are minutes are hours are days when trapped in Purgatory, but true moments of joy move the time faster and faster until the world as it is - misery - brings one back to the truth. It also, I suppose, can make it more difficult in dealing with others, but difficulty with others is a simple part of life.
I moved to my post and saw Alana across the street staring down toward the park. She was probably thinking of those wind chimes I've seen her with. Harold was toting yet more books. I though for a while he would be involved in some sort of interesting enterprise outside of law, but he simply turned out to be a fanatic for the written word. How boring. The self described Eros Dandelo was leaving the building, no doubt off on some fascinating adventure to improve his physical conditions. And there was Mirela. I wish I hadn't noticed her today.
She goes everyday to her little attic and takes money for cheap comfort. You can tell who your customers are immediately. They creep up to the store, as if God is about to strike them down, then disappear within the doors. And then, they come out secretively, still nervous, but now walking with sudden found Purpose - as if they knew their fate. How trite, to let someone else tell you who you are. They also always have a book under their arm, just so if anyone asks, they can say "I was in the Bookstore! Wasn't it lovely. It's unfortunate they carry those Romance novels - they really ruin the spirit of the place, you think?" I pity their souls.
But today, not having a great deal specific to do - no instructions from the Authority - I resolved to expose her, to drive her in tears from the room, to reveal her own wekaness when it came to true dealings with fate.
So I cleaned my corporal body, and proceeded on a mission: to expose her for her own self. I walked in, nodded to Harold, who had no idea who I was, as engrossed in books as he is. I ascended the stairs, and caught the first bit of her trickery. Touch of lemon with incense - a truly exotic scent - almost enough to take the mind to a foreign place. I was impressed with her design - the fabrics felt like air upon my exposed flesh as I passed though the portal - into the nexus of her shop of superstition.
"Come, lost soul; come to a place of spiritual welcome," she said. "Oh madam of wisdom," I intoned, "Tell me what lies in my future. I am lost, confused. Where shall I go? Does she love me?" I thought this was enough of a helpless plea to smoke her out - my appearance of weakness would embolden her to exposes herself more readily. But it was not to be.
"Harbinger! Do not defile yourself with such lies!" she cried, and I froze. This was not expected. "Fouquois has seen you for what you are!"
I was shocked. "Madam, what do you mean? I am lost." I turned to go, to goad her more effectively.
I rose sometime before the sun from my sleepless slumber. My simmering soul simply seemed to require a morning dosage of thoughtful prayer. I rose and stretched my earthly limbs, and commenced to move about the neighborhood. Even I am amazed by that regular miracle of sunrise. A simple rotation of the globe yields that daily miracle - where with brilliant rays the sun emerges from the horizon.
I returned to the building - its bulk heaping over the corner - and was about to go upstairs when Raymond Barnett smashed headlong into me, no doubt late once again for his occupation of working with automobiles. I could see his nostrils stiffen as he caught a bit of my olfactory concoction. A bit of sulfur, mixed with the corrosive growth that follows water within buildings. Somehow, these people think it rude to comment on one's smell even as they insult and harass each other daily.
It's no worry to me though. I use such phenomena to my advantage. With a bit of natural chemical, my ideal watching spots are protected from unwelcome lurkers. The building is enough of a catacomb enough that they do not have to pass where I've chosen to abide, and such is better for me.
In the immediate present however, I could do little but glower at the idiot sprawled before me. He made his excuses - almost painfully weak - and ran out the door. When one is late, that shows a lack of regard for time - and time can turn against you as I know. Seconds are minutes are hours are days when trapped in Purgatory, but true moments of joy move the time faster and faster until the world as it is - misery - brings one back to the truth. It also, I suppose, can make it more difficult in dealing with others, but difficulty with others is a simple part of life.
I moved to my post and saw Alana across the street staring down toward the park. She was probably thinking of those wind chimes I've seen her with. Harold was toting yet more books. I though for a while he would be involved in some sort of interesting enterprise outside of law, but he simply turned out to be a fanatic for the written word. How boring. The self described Eros Dandelo was leaving the building, no doubt off on some fascinating adventure to improve his physical conditions. And there was Mirela. I wish I hadn't noticed her today.
She goes everyday to her little attic and takes money for cheap comfort. You can tell who your customers are immediately. They creep up to the store, as if God is about to strike them down, then disappear within the doors. And then, they come out secretively, still nervous, but now walking with sudden found Purpose - as if they knew their fate. How trite, to let someone else tell you who you are. They also always have a book under their arm, just so if anyone asks, they can say "I was in the Bookstore! Wasn't it lovely. It's unfortunate they carry those Romance novels - they really ruin the spirit of the place, you think?" I pity their souls.
But today, not having a great deal specific to do - no instructions from the Authority - I resolved to expose her, to drive her in tears from the room, to reveal her own wekaness when it came to true dealings with fate.
So I cleaned my corporal body, and proceeded on a mission: to expose her for her own self. I walked in, nodded to Harold, who had no idea who I was, as engrossed in books as he is. I ascended the stairs, and caught the first bit of her trickery. Touch of lemon with incense - a truly exotic scent - almost enough to take the mind to a foreign place. I was impressed with her design - the fabrics felt like air upon my exposed flesh as I passed though the portal - into the nexus of her shop of superstition.
"Come, lost soul; come to a place of spiritual welcome," she said. "Oh madam of wisdom," I intoned, "Tell me what lies in my future. I am lost, confused. Where shall I go? Does she love me?" I thought this was enough of a helpless plea to smoke her out - my appearance of weakness would embolden her to exposes herself more readily. But it was not to be.
"Harbinger! Do not defile yourself with such lies!" she cried, and I froze. This was not expected. "Fouquois has seen you for what you are!"
I was shocked. "Madam, what do you mean? I am lost." I turned to go, to goad her more effectively.
"Stay still! You will gain something here. You came to find lies, but you will only find the lies you tell yourself!" She was raving, I thought, I hoped.
"You watch with purpose, but every moment you are here, and NOT there, not where you know you should have gone, you become guilty. Do not judge, lest ye be judged, sir. Be warned!"
And I ran.
"You watch with purpose, but every moment you are here, and NOT there, not where you know you should have gone, you become guilty. Do not judge, lest ye be judged, sir. Be warned!"
And I ran.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Who am I? I am.
So it seems the powers that be have deemed it necessary for me to introduce myself to you all. I don't really see the point of it (You probably will be confused), but here goes:
My name is Saul Jacoborn. My age is irrelevant, and I live in room 211. I doubt any of you could tolerate such a tiny setting, but I've minimized my needs so the room is plenty of space. I don't have a job, nor do I need one (heh), but I play myself off as a custodian in the theatre whenever it's... prudent and necessary to do so.
My past is not something I'm proud of, by any means. I was too stupid to see the folly of my ways, but I'm on the right track now. I supposed all of you are concerned with how I look so you can avoid me on the street or at our mailboxes, so I'll provide a brief description. I'm 5'7", I wear clothes you would consider to be unfashionable, and you'll probably think I'm insane because I mutter when I stroll. It's mostly a mechanism for keeping people away.
You might ask why I'm here. The answer is that it wasn't my choice, but I'm now glad to be able to watch you people as you worry and fret. Whenever you see a shadow in the alley, eyes glimmering, that's me. When you see a standing figure on the roof, that sentinel is me. But don't worry. I'm not here for you.
My name is Saul Jacoborn. My age is irrelevant, and I live in room 211. I doubt any of you could tolerate such a tiny setting, but I've minimized my needs so the room is plenty of space. I don't have a job, nor do I need one (heh), but I play myself off as a custodian in the theatre whenever it's... prudent and necessary to do so.
My past is not something I'm proud of, by any means. I was too stupid to see the folly of my ways, but I'm on the right track now. I supposed all of you are concerned with how I look so you can avoid me on the street or at our mailboxes, so I'll provide a brief description. I'm 5'7", I wear clothes you would consider to be unfashionable, and you'll probably think I'm insane because I mutter when I stroll. It's mostly a mechanism for keeping people away.
You might ask why I'm here. The answer is that it wasn't my choice, but I'm now glad to be able to watch you people as you worry and fret. Whenever you see a shadow in the alley, eyes glimmering, that's me. When you see a standing figure on the roof, that sentinel is me. But don't worry. I'm not here for you.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Note that this post isn't part of the regular story above, just the first post we all had to write. No, I don't completely understand it either.
I don't know quite how to begin this. The program says I should "step outside my comfortable world." I do this everyday (what choice do I have?), but my feeling is this was their implication. I hate implication.
But perhaps a bit of peace may be found out amongst the wilds of cyberspace. All I see and experience these days is burning Fire and chilling Ice. And are we not what happens to us?
I don't know quite how to begin this. The program says I should "step outside my comfortable world." I do this everyday (what choice do I have?), but my feeling is this was their implication. I hate implication.
But perhaps a bit of peace may be found out amongst the wilds of cyberspace. All I see and experience these days is burning Fire and chilling Ice. And are we not what happens to us?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)